“Sitingathe kufotokoza ululu umene munthu amamva pamaliro a mwana wake. Koposa zonse, palibe mawu omwe angapatse dzina latsopano, moyo wonse womwe munthu ali nawo tsopano. Ngati wataya wokondedwa wako, ndiwe wamasiye kapena wamasiye; ngati makolo ako ataya, ndiwe mwana wamasiye. Koma kodi ndiwe chiyani mwana wako akamwalira?”—Lisa Belkin

Kwa sabata yonseyo, mphindi iliyonse ikadutsa, ndinkadzimva kuti ndachotsedwa pa moyo umene ndinali nawo poyamba. Kukumana kulikonse kunali chikumbutso chamwano cha momwe zonse zidasinthira. Ndinkakhala ndi achibale komanso anzanga. Koma zokambirana zonse zinali pansi pa mthunzi wa kutaya. Caleb ndi Abigail anali atapita ndipo ine ndinkaopa kutaya Penny. Chiseko chachimwemwe chinali chitapita pamene banjalo linali limodzi. Tsopano misozi ndi imene inatigwirizanitsa. Anthu a m’tchalitchi anapatsa banja langa chikondi ndi kuchereza alendo m’njira imene tinganene kuti ndi yakumwamba. Chisonicho chinasonyezedwa mwa chakudya, mphatso, zoitanira anthu, mautumiki oyendetsa galimoto ndipo koposa zonse, kukhalapo ndipo, ngati n’koyenera, kukumbatirana.

Ndikukumbukira mawu ochepa chabe a sabata imeneyo, koma mtima wanga uli wodzaza ndi kukumbukira kosaneneka kwa zizindikiro za chikondi zomwe zinaperekedwa pa ife. Apanso mwambi wakale unakwaniritsidwa: Zochita zimalankhula kwambiri kuposa mawu!

Mphatso yoiwalika komanso cholowa cha kukumbukira

Chodabwitsa, Penny anali kupeza bwino ndipo chifunga chinali kuzirala pang'onopang'ono. Ichi ndichifukwa chake madokotala adadziwonetsa kuti ali odzidalira kwambiri ndipo tsopano adasamaliranso kuvulala kwawo komwe sikungawopsyeze moyo. Pamene kutupako kunatha ndipo chikumbumtima chake chinatha, tinakambirana zambiri ndi misozi. Anafunsa tsatanetsatane wa ngoziyo. Koma sindinathe kuyankhula za izo. Zinali zopweteka kwambiri kwa ine - komanso makamaka kwa iye mu chikhalidwe chake.

Ankafuna kudziwa ngati anali mayi wabwino. Ndikhoza kunena kuti inde. Ndinamufunsa chimene chinachititsa ngoziyo. Koma iye sanakumbukire zimenezo. Anavutika kwambiri kukumbukira zinthu. Mulungu, mu chifundo Chake, anali atachotsa kwathunthu kukumbukira kwake. Ndi mphatso yanji kwa iye yomwe ndinakanidwa mwachisoni. Chifukwa chiyani?

Kwa zaka zambiri ndinkadzimva ngati ndine wotembereredwa, ndikuvutika m’maganizo ndipo ndinkangokumbukira zinthu zimene zinachitika pa tsiku la ngoziyo. Panali pambuyo pake pamene ndinazindikira kuti ndinalandira choloŵa chachikulu: Ndinaloledwa kukhala wosunga zikumbukiro zomalizira za ana athu; kumwetulira kwawo ndi kuseka, masitepe oyamba a Abigail ndi nkhope zawo zamtendere zomaliza m'galimoto pamene tikuyenda mumsewu waulere. Tsiku lina ndimagwiritsa ntchito kukumbukira izi kutithandiza kujambula mzere pansi pamutu wamdima. Koma tsikulo linali lidakali m’tsogolo!

Chifuniro cholimbikitsa kukhala ndi moyo

Ndinamufunsa zomwe anamva kapena kuganiza pamene kunali phee komanso mdima pozungulira iye. Yankho lanu losavuta komanso lomveka bwino linandidabwitsa. Ngakhale kuti Penny sanakumbukire za ngoziyo, ananena kuti anayenera kusankha kukhala ndi moyo kapena kufa. Pakusweka kwake, komanso ndi chipsera chakuya chowopsa chomwe chidamuphimba mphindi zake zomaliza, adamva chikhumbo chofuna kusiya kufuna kukhala ndi moyo ndi kufa. Koma iye sanatero. Sanafune! Osati ndalama yanga yomwe idasankha mosasamala kuti ndipulumuke! Mkazi woswekayu sakanataya mtima pamene zikadakhala zosavuta kuti avomereze masautso ake ndi kufa imfa yachibadwa.

Zimene bambo anga anachita zaka zambiri zapitazo zoti nditengere banja lonse ndili wamng’ono zinandipangitsa kuti ndisinthe moyo wanga mpaka pano. Mofananamo, lingaliro la Penny loyang’anizana ndi imfa monyansidwa nalo laumba mphindi iriyonse ya moyo wanga kuyambira tsopano kumkabe mtsogolo. Zowonadi, zisankho zina ndi zamtengo wapatali kuposa zina, koma kufunikira kwake kumangodziwika poyang'ana m'mbuyo komanso posinkhasinkha mozama. Kuwona Penny akuvutika kuti apulumuke pakutayika komanso zowawa zambiri zidandilimbikitsa kupeza njira yomveka bwino m'moyo wanga. Ndi maola angati omwe ndawononga mosasamala mopanda tanthauzo? Ndinazindikira mwadzidzidzi kufunika kwa chisankho chilichonse.

Nyumba ya Maliro

Kenako, makolo anga ndi mchimwene wanga ananditengera kumalo amene ndinali ndisanawaganizirepo. Inde, ndinakulira ndikumva nthabwala ndi nkhani zowopsa za nyumba zamaliro. Koma sindinkadziwa chomwe chinkachitika mkatimo. Pa msinkhu wanga, simunaganizire za imfa. Muzaka zoyambirira za makumi awiri mumaganiza zomwe mungapeze, kuchita, kukhala, zosangalatsa zomwe mungakhale nazo. Ndinu wosakhoza kufa! Imfa ndi ya okalamba. Ayi, ndinali ndisanaganizirepo ngakhale pang’ono zimene zimachitika m’nyumba yamaliro.

Koma Kalebe ndi Abigayeli anali asanakalamba. Opanga a Mbuye wa mphete anajambula chithunzi chokhudza mtima cha mfumu imene inachita misala mwana wake atamwalira. M’mawu oipa akufuula kuti: “N’zosemphana ndi chilengedwe kuti makolo aike ana awo m’manda!” Pamene tinakhala moyang’anizana ndi woika malirowo, mphamvu yonse ya chochitika chachilendochi inandigwera. Kumalo amenewa ndinadzimva woperekedwa ndikugulitsidwa. Ndinakwiya ndipo ndinasowa chonena. Zisankho ziyenera kupangidwa pa nkhani ya maliro, malo oika maliro ndi kachitidwe. Kodi bokosi liyenera kukhala lotani? Ndinathedwa nzeru. Kodi ndimafuna kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama zingati? Dikirani kamphindi! "Ukufuna?" Sindinafune chilichonse chonga chimenecho! Mfundo yofunika kwambiri imene tinkafunika kukambirana inali pamene Penny adzatuluka m’chipatala n’kupita kumaliro. Ndinayamikira kwambiri kuti sindinafunikire kuganizira zinthu zimenezi pandekha. Zambiri za imfayo zidandichulukiratu!

Komabe, ndikayang’ana m’mbuyo, tsopano ndikuona kukongola kwakukulu kumene kunapezeka m’nyumba yamaliroyo. Mwachiwonekere, kampaniyi inalidi yopereka chithandizo kwa anthu. Zachidziwikire, gawo la bizinesi ndi zokambirana zamitengo ndi gawo lake. Koma zonsezo zinali zosiyana kwambiri ndi kugula kulikonse komwe ndidagulapo. Bambo Jensen, yemwe anali wamalonda, anali woleza mtima komanso wosamala. Ntchito yake siinali ya wogulitsa basi, koma ya abusa. Makhalidwe ake ankaonetsa chisungiko ndi mtendere. Anatitsogolera mokoma mtima kupyola dziko lachilendo la imfa, kutigwira dzanja pamene tinali kupanga zosankha zomalizira za ana athu.

Adatitsogolera mumdima woyasamula ndi kuunika kofatsa. Anatitumikira ife! Pambuyo pake tinapeza kuti pambuyo pa maliro ananyamula ana athu iyemwini, ndi ndalama zake, kupita nawo kumalo awo opumirako ku Michigan, ulendo wa maola asanu ndi anayi. Chodabwitsa ndi mtima waukulu womwe anali nawo kuti athetse mavuto anga. Matsoka ngati athu samanga khalidwe, amavumbulutsa khalidwe. Patapita miyezi ingapo, nditayamba kuganizanso, ndinazindikira kuti watichitira zambiri. Ulemu wanga pa luso lake ndi ntchito yake unakula kwambiri.

Kuyala

Pomaliza tinakonza tsatanetsatane. Bambo Jensen ananena kuti Kalebe ndi Abigail agonekedwe m’bokosi lamaliro lachigwa. Sikuti zimenezi zinachepetsa kwambiri ndalama zokha, komanso zinapanganso chikumbutso chogwira mtima chomaliza cha chikondi ndi chisamaliro cha Kalebe pa Abigayeli wamng’ono, amene anam’sunga m’manja mwake momutetezera pamene onse aŵiri anali kuyembekezera chiukiriro.

Sindinakonzekerenso pempho lotsatira. Anandipempha kuti ndibweretse zovala zabwino kunyumba zoti ana athu okondedwa akaikidwe. Koma zimenezi zinatanthauza kuti ndipite kunyumba kuti ndikapeze chinthu choyenera. Kunapereka tanthauzo latsopano ku chinthu chosavuta monga kuvala zovala. Chifukwa ndinkachita mantha kupita kunyumba.

Kenako, pamene ndinkakambirana ndi Penny kuti ndi zovala ziti zimene zingagwire bwino lomwe ndi kufotokoza mmene zinthu zidzakhalire panthawiyo, tinaliranso. Tinafunika kusankha mmene ana athu adzaonekere m’bokosi lawo. Mavuto athu akale ndi kupatukana mu ubale wathu kunkawoneka ngati kukumbukira kosamveka kuchokera ku moyo wina tsopano pamene tinali kuyenda pamodzi kupyola chigwa cha mthunzi wa imfa. Ululu womwe tinali nawowo unalumikiza mitima yathu pamodzi pansi.

Tinayesetsa kukambirana za malirowo, koma tinathedwa nzeru ndipo tinkadabwa kuti ndani angakonze. Achibale ndi mabwenzi okondedwa analoŵererapo ndi kukonzekera chochitikacho nthaŵi imene Penny adzakhala bwino kuti akakhaleko. Anzathu anatikonzera pamodzi programuyo ndi nyimbo zokongola ndi zopereka zina zachikondi zachifundo pokumbukira ana athu okondedwa aŵiri.

Mozizwitsa, Penny mwadzidzidzi anali pamwamba pa phiri. Zinamveka ngati masauzande a mapemphero ayankhidwa. Kunanenedwa kuti Penny adzatulutsidwa m'chipatala patatha mlungu umodzi, chifukwa cha maliro.

komaliza bwino

Usiku woti mwambo wa maliro uchitike, patatha masiku asanu ndi limodzi dziko lathu litagwa, ine ndi Penny tinapita kukaonana ndi Kalebe ndi Abigail. Tinkafuna kuwatsanzika okha. Ngakhale kuti mawotchiwo anali kupitirirabe, nthawi sinathe kulepheretsa kukumbukira madzulo amenewo zimene zinakhazikika mumtima mwanga.

Ndilibe mphatso yojambula chithunzi cha zomwe zidachitika ndi zomwe tidawona. Koma ndikadakhala naye, zikadakhala zopanda pake. Mdima ukhoza kukhala wokonda kwambiri. Sikunali kokha madzulo ozizira ndi amdima a December, komanso usiku wamdima wa miyoyo yomwe sikanatisiye kwa miyezi. Mithunzi yosiyana siyana imaphatikizidwa mu mphutsi yotsamwitsa ya mantha. Muchifanizirochi, ma pops amtundu okhawo angakhale ngati mutadzipatula nokha kuchoka kwa banja lomwe lawonongeka ndikuyang'anitsitsa maluwa opangira maluwa ndi zomera zomwe abwenzi adatumiza kuti atitonthoze. Koma kuyang'anitsitsa kudzabwezeredwa mu dzenje lakuda lakusowa chiyembekezo. Kumeneko okwatirana akulirawo anaima, akuyesa kukumbatira zipolopolo zolimba za ana awo.

Zovala zachifundozo zinanyalanyazidwa ndi kuboola, kuyang'ana kwachidwi kwa amayi ndi abambo omwe amayesa kuwerengera maso opanda kanthu a ana awo otayika. Maburashi sanathe kulanda ululu ndi zowawa zomwe zidatuluka misozi itasefukira. Maso ogwetsa misozi akhoza kuikidwa pansalu kapena pepala, koma ululu wawo sungathe kumva. Izi ndi zomwe penti yomwe ikuyesera kufotokoza mawonekedwewo imawoneka ngati. Ntchito ikhoza kukhala yabwino kwambiri Der anasanzikana ndi chisoni kutanthauza. Zinali zochitika zapadera, zopweteka kwambiri. Kwenikweni, ndimatha kufotokoza izi m'mawu anga omwe.

Tinasonyezedwa chipinda chokhala ndi zipangizo zabwino ndipo anatisiya tokha. Magetsi anali amdima, koma adayikidwa dala. Mitundu ndi kapeti zinali ndi mawonekedwe okopa. Sindinganene kuti chipindacho chinali chabwino chifukwa zikanakana kuyipa kwachilengedwe kwa malowo. Koma mwachiwonekere anali woperekedwa bwino momwe angathere kaamba ka cholinga chake. Mipandoyo inali yolemetsa komanso yolimba, ngati kuti inakonzedwa kuti ithandize anthu omwe amanyamula katundu wa maiko onse awiri pamapewa awo. Chizindikiro cha chipinda chodikirira chomaliza cha anthu: aliyense adalowa ndikudikirira kuti awone omwe adawatsogolera. Aliyense ankadzifunsa kuti nthawi yake idzafika liti. Kapena ngati doko pakati pa mkuntho wodziwika wakale ndi tsogolo losawoneka.

Ndinakankhira kutsogolo. Kukana imfa kwa Penny kunkawoneka kuti kunalibe malire, koma kunabwera pamtengo. Machubu awiri opumira anali atangochotsedwa kumene. Choponyera padzanja lakumanzere chinachigwira m'malo mwake kuti mapewa othyokawo achire. Kupanda mphamvu kuyenda panjinga ya olumala. Kutupako kunali kutatsala pang’ono kutha, n’kungotulutsa magalasi kapena miyala yapakhungu pamutu ndi tsitsi. Penny atayandikira, anayang’anitsitsa zinthu zimene zinali patsogolo pathu: chuma chathu chiŵiri.

Nthawi yomweyo maso athu adachita mdima titawona nkhope zawo, zomwe zidavala zopakapaka zingapo. Zolankhula zawo zosakhala zachibadwa zimatikumbutsa kuti sitimva mawu awo. Onse awiri ankavala zipewa kuti abise kudulidwa kwa mutu: Modabwitsa Kalebi ankavala chipewa choseweretsa cha baseball; ndi Abigayeli chofunda chokoma choyera. Chikhumbo chosaletseka chomugwira ndi kumukumbatira chinapambana. Koma tinalephera. Anali owuma ndi osalabadira. Mofanana ndi zidole zazikulu zomwe zimatengera ana athu, sizimayenda. Zovalazo zinali zodziwika bwino, matupi a ana athu okondedwa, koma iwowo sanaliponso! Ululu wa makolowo unaphulika ngati geyser pamene zoyesayesa zathu zowakumbatira zinasanduka kukuwa kwa mantha ndi chiyembekezo chathu chakuti sadzamvanso kukumbatiridwa kwawo chinazimiririka. Misozi ndi mawu zinatuluka mwa ife mosatonthozeka. Zomwe tikanakonda kunena. Kupempha chikhululuko powasiya kuti afe. Tinkangotchula mayina awo. Zokumbukira. Chisoni. Kutaya mtima. Chisonicho chinayamba kuumbika ndipo chinatikuta, kukulepheretsa kuwala ndi chiyembekezo. Nthawi ndi mphamvu zinkawoneka kuti zikuphatikizana ndikutsutsa zopinga zonse zowawa. Tinalira mosatonthozeka.

The Chaplain

Potsirizira pake, titakhala opanda kanthu kosatha, mtumiki wathu ndi bwenzi Frank anatiyandikira nalira nafe. Anapereka uphungu kangapo kwa Penny miyezi ingapo ana athu asanamwalire, kuyesera kutithandiza kukulira limodzi ndi kuthetsa mavuto a m’banja. Frank ankadziwa ana athu ndipo ankaona kuti tinkawakonda kwambiri ngakhale kuti banja lathu linali ndi mavuto. Anatikumbatira, akulankhula modekha mawu ofewa amtendere m’mphepo yamkuntho yomwe inkabuka ponsepo. Iye anatithandiza mokoma mtima kuzindikira ululuwo, kulankhula za chisonicho ndi kutuluka m’mafunde pang’onopang’ono. Anatitumikira, kutikumbutsa za tsiku la chiyembekezo limene likubwera. Potsirizira pake, iye anatithandiza kubweza msana wathu m’chipindamo ndi ana athu, podziŵa kuti mphamvu za Penny zinali kutha mofulumira ndipo zikafunikira pamaliro tsiku lotsatira.

Maliro

Tsiku lotsatira linafika mofulumira kwambiri. Kukumbukira kwanga sikumchitira chilungamo mwanjira iliyonse. Kukonzekera konse, aliyense wokhudzidwa, malo, malo oimikapo magalimoto, chirichonse chinachitika popanda kuzindikira kwanga. Ndinkagwira ntchito motere.

Mwambo wa malirowo unali wokongola, ndikuuzidwa. Ndimakumbukira nkhope, misozi, chikondi, nyimbo komanso zowawa. Kuwona kwa tchalitchi chimenecho kumawonongeka kosatha ndi kukumbukira bokosi lomwe lili kutsogolo. Tchalitchichi sichinalinso malo olambirira, koma malo opweteka kwambiri.

Kuchuluka kwa chikondi ndi nkhaŵa kunali kochititsa chidwi. Anthu mazanamazana anabwera kudzasonyeza chikondi chawo kwa ife ndi kudzakumbukira ana athu aang’ono amene anataya miyoyo yawo mofulumira kwambiri. Anzake anayenda kwa masiku angapo kusonyeza chikondi. Nyimbo zinasankhidwa kuti zipereke chiyembekezo pakati pa chisoni. Pakati pa mawu opweteka a chitonthozo analankhulidwa ndi malonjezo a kubwezeretsedwa kwamtsogolo. Chirichonse chinasokonezeka palimodzi.

Panthaŵi ina m’chipembedzo, ndinapempha kulankhula ndipo ndinapemphedwa kubwera patsogolo. Ndili ndi mchimwene wanga Jeff pambali panga, ndinamenya nkhondo yokwera pabwalo. Ndinkafuna kunena chinachake kwa mazana amene analira nafe. Kaya chinali chikhulupiriro kapena kunamizira kulimba mtima, motsogozedwa ndi chiyembekezo chosatsutsika chomwe ndimamva mchipindamo? Ndinalimbikitsa anthu amene anasonkhana kuti akhalebe okhulupirika ngakhale kuti anataya mtima kwambiri. Kangapo konse mkono wa Jeff unaumirira kundigwira pamene miyendo yanga inkafuna kugundana ndikamalankhula. M’mawu otsamwitsidwa amene anasonyeza mkhalidwe wamtima wanga, ndinayesa kunena zikomo ndipo koposa zonse, kulimbikitsa achinyamata kukwaniritsa cholinga chawo m’moyo, kukumbukira Kalebe ndi Abigayeli kotero kuti imfa yawo isakhale yachabechabe. Misozi inachititsa kuti ziganizo zanga zikhale zovuta kumvetsa ndipo zinapangitsa kuti zikhale zazitali mosagwirizana ndi chilengedwe. Koma ndinapitiriza. Jeff anandigwira. Sindinathe kuyang'ana Penny kapena banja langa. Chifukwa ndimadziwa kuti maso ake akanandigwedeza kutsimikiza mtima kwanga konse. Ndinalimbikira, kunena za chikhulupiriro chimene sindikanachimva, kuti chiyembekezo chokha chingakhale chamoyo, ndikuitana onse kuti apende moyo wawo m’kuunika kwamuyaya. Pamapeto pake mawuwo anasiya ndipo tinabwerera ku mipando yathu.

Utumiki utatha, aliyense anaima pamzere kudzapereka chipepeso ndi kutikumbatira. Tinafunika kuteteza Penny kuti asadzavutikenso ndi chitsenderezo cha kukumbatiridwa mwachikondi. Banja lathu linali lolondera ndi kuwateteza kwa ambiri. Anzake apamtima okha ndi amene analoledwa m’bwalopo kumukumbatira ndi kumunong’oneza m’khutu. Panali anthu ochuluka omwe akulimbana ndi tsoka lathulo. Imfa ya ana athu inakhudzanso anthu ambiri. Osati ife tokha. Tsikuli linkayenda pang'onopang'ono.

Tonse tinatsanzikana.

kupitiriza             Gawo 1 la mndandanda             Chingerezi

Kuchokera: Bryan C. Gallant, Zosatsutsika, Ulendo Wambiri Wodutsa Zowawa, 2015, masamba 51-60

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